a letter to life

The weather today is extremely cozy to the point of making me wanting to lay down on my bed and wrap myself in the velvety super comfy blanket. I keep yawning endlessly! The cold breeze, the sound of the raindrops and the humming melody of the car on the wet street, damn so perfect. Living in Malaysia, the weather are mainly hot and humid all the time, so when it rains, its like winning a lottery. Everyone will be happy and gratitude feelings are thrown away like a confetti.

I am much happier with my blog setup now. The color shade, the theme itself, it's warm and feels like even more a safe place to spill my thoughts. I have made few changes especially in the categories section which is fully inspired from other blogger and I love it! Here what you can browse around if you ever stumbled upon my tiny little site.

Little Joys — Mainly focus on my gratitude list and will be update every Friday.

Serene Sunday — Let's chill and spill everything from the brain inbox before you forget kind of day.

Travel — I love travel and I gotta write where I left my footsteps for the sake of memories.

Books — Sharing session about books I have read.

Journal — Daily diarium of what I did, what I feel etc.

Musing O'Clock — The aftermath of self-reflection.

Foodgasm — Foods and foods!

Self-Care Center — Grouping everything here; haircare, skincare and any personal care stuff.

100 Tips — Sharing the tips and hacks that is tested and personally approved.

Playlist — Sometimes I forgot what is once my favourite music, thus why this section exist.

I will try my best to commit on the writing as blogging used to be one of my hobby. It has been almost 15 years since I start blogging for the first time. I never stick to one name and keep changing them severely. I named this blog 0029am; a letter to life because I often drowning in thoughts at midnight and have a trouble to sleep, and yeah, it's where the idea come from. This blog probably will be here even after 10 years and by that time I will go down memory lane to read how was my life before. The reminisce moments would definitely be priceless. Till here then!  

It's almost the end of the year and I am feeling frustrated with myself more than ever. This blog is still empty. The domain was supposed to be out in June since I am planning to completely resign from this blogging world but apparently, the domain has been renewed automatically for two freaking years by the domain hosting company that I subscribed to. I don't want to continue it actually but I guess this blog still wants me to be part of it so yeah, I will try to start writing again and turn this blog alive and not dead.

Life has been pretty good despite a few times I feel like drowning. The act of appreciating and embracing the little things around me has changed me a lot. It calms the endless chaos in my entire body and keeps my sanity intact. I love staring at the blue skies more than ever now. At the same time, I will play a little search-a-rainbow game and it levels up my dopamine whenever I spot one. It makes me realize that we actually don't need much to make our happy hormones go crazy, instead, we need to be grateful and cherish whatever is in front of us. It is the greatest source of happiness and a peaceful mind. Seek no more.

I'm turning 30 real soon which is unbelievable how fast time flies. I am wondering what the future holds for me; will it be good or will it be another bad series? I know I'm not supposed to worry about it for everything has been written for us but life kinda scares me. It's full of surprises. You don't know if you will laugh your head off or cry your heart out. But yeah, que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

I will try my best to make another update soon. I have *ahem* a good feeling about it this time. Till here then, bye! 

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

Lamak gila dah sik bukak blog tok. Kamek rasa mun blog tok sebuah rumah, confirm dah jadi salah satu property yang berhantu. Life has been good lately (ada juak yang not good but i choose to be blind and deaf about it hehe). Banyak yang mok diceritakan thus why im back here. Harap idea penulisan ya sentiasa ada jak lah. Lelah juak mun mala kenak writer's block. Padahal bukan cerita rekaan tapi susahnya mok polah ayat rasa macam jawab kertas spm jak heheh.

I'm going to update about my travel journey to Jogjakarta and Surabaya, my personal growth progress, books I've finished reading, my thoughts about uncertainty and other things which i ada update the quick version on instagram, about what's going on with my life (i ada kenak scam abam pulis uolls) and everything that I could remember. Banyak juak yang mok di share dalam blog yet i don't know why i couldn't make it until here. 

I am writing this while listening to lofi playlist and its already midnight. A new day has started. Raya is just around the corner. And its already mid-april. Phew lajunya masa. I gotta fill my days with more good things, more positive things, and just everything good. Though I know its impossible to be happy and feel good all the time, but its not a crime to try my best kan. Sikkan lah mok sedih ajak. Boringnya hidup. Sik dapat polah real outdoor activities, sik apa. Kita camping online, berbasikal online, mandik sungai online and so on hahah. This year I really wanna spend more time with nature and do more outdoor activities. Tapi sik ada geng. I need a new circle but how? Ada ka yang maok kawan dengan amateur macam saya tok? What a sad question!

It's okay. I will try to figure it out myself later. Jangan jak mood introvert datang balit. Bukan main jak semangat kelak dah diajak benar alu rasa menyesal. Biasaaaa diaaa. Tapi hakikatnya seketul introvert memang macam ya. But I'm trying to change myself at least lah to ambivert. Middle range homosapiens. Till here then. x

I no longer want to correct people. Even though they might be right or wrong, I will not say anything and just gonna keep my mouth shut. I am hated for correcting people when I know they are doing something incorrectly. I have been told as someone who thinks I am perfect enough that I can fix their mistakes. That was absolutely not the truth and I never said that I am perfect. But just because I spit out the truth, I become the toxic person.

It makes me think again whether my action is toxic or if they are the ones who are toxic and refused to admit their mistakes. It reminds me of being gaslighted and that my words are being twisted and manipulated. Knowing that I might experience the same thing again and gonna trigger my trauma, I decided to leave the thoughts alone. I definitely not and don't want to be in the trap again.

I'm glad the Wednesday film is out and grateful that I spend my time watching it. I've learned something from the main character. Don't give a fuck about people and just do your things. Let them do whatever they want as long as they don't break into your privacy. Well, I think that is clever enough how to deal with humans. I also realized that talking to people like that actually won't affect them and I am just wasting my time trying to fix or correct others.

Rather than having a stupid argument and putting me in agony while the other side is being effortless, I might just do the same and ignore the ignorance. That's it. I hope I can be more resilient and adapt to my new character traits. I don't want to deal with humans anymore. I will just do me and let them do theirs. Enough.

Image by Angela Lo

I finally learned how to respect my feelings and boundaries. It has been a tough journey but now, knowing that caring about something worthless is really a waste of time and energy, I choose to completely ignore it. Some people often say that I am too sensitive and fragile and weak, so I unequip and get rid of my emphatic traits for them. I bet they have no idea how much it would affect my personality. Telling a person to be less sensitive means telling them to be heartless. The truth of excessive emotions means we all just feel a little too much and everything goes straight to our hearts. And logically, it's not our choice but it's naturally running in the vein.

Now that I am ruined and become total heartless, the feeling is quite a blessing, To turn myself into a winter cold person ain't that easy and it takes time. It's the same as when you try to move on from your ex-partner but keep on remembering your sweet moments together, or that you said you want to have a healthy lifestyle and wanting to lose some weight but still cannot throw away your bad eating habits! When you were being treated badly and someone disrespects your boundaries, stop giving them chances. You don't give them chances to appreciate you but you simply give them chances to rip your soul off. There's a fine line between patience and stupidity. Don't be stupid.

Some might argue that it's not a good thing to do. Like when they say, kalau orang berik bunga, kita berik bunga. Kalau orang berik kita taik, kita berik bunga juak. But it's just ridiculous. I'd rather give them nothing in return which is buat bodoh and distance myself. I'm being kind enough not to start a silly fight. Being heartless doesn't mean I'm turning myself into a bad person. But it means I am having enough and I no longer have the energy to deal with the toxicity or things that hurt me. x

Image by Kristine Wook

Salam aidil adha. Due to this still-crazy pandemic, today hari raya can only be celebrated within family members. No cousins, no friends. But still feeling grateful for the small gathering and the meals! Now let's talk about my covid vaccine story cause this post is purposely created for that experience.

I am the last person in the family to get the vaccine shot and I am honestly anxious that my name is not being selected yet lol. When the AZ vaccine application was open for all Malaysian, we all tried our best to register our names. And my little sister, the first to get the vaccine is helping us out. But none of us were lucky as the application has been fully booked.

Even though we could not squeeze in our names, my siblings and my parents finally got their registration approved after a few days. So they all got their first AZ vaccine while I was still putting on the hope that I would get it. I kept on refreshing my MySejahtera and updating my profile yet nothing, no vaccine offer, no notification.

After a week or maybe two weeks, my friend told me to just walk into one of the vaccination facilities where her friend is working. She tried giving her my name for registration but unfortunately, it was fully booked too. Haih malang sungguh. Pun masih tak dapat. Then I got another text message from my friend asking for my personal details untuk diberikan kepada staff yang kerja dekat vaccination facility tu. And my stepmother also asking for my details to forward it to her friend yang ada kenalan di pusat vaksin tu jugak. I think the next day or perhaps after two days both of them asking me if I got a call for a vaccine shot or not. I jawab tak ada punnnn! 

But my stepmother's friend told me to just go to the vaccination facility that she mentioned cause my name has been registered. I was quite unsure since I got no phone call from them. Nanti tak pasal-pasal kena maki dan kena halau pulak. That time I was working and baju penuh tepung sebab seharian buat kuih and I got no time for a change so terus ke pusat vaksin. Bau peluh pun bau lah ~

By the time I reached there, tak ada banyak orang pun. I just walked in and follow instructions given by anggota rela yang berkerja disana. It's finally my turn! Akhirnya penantian yang ditunggu-tunggu. I've been given a pfizer vaccine and macam biasa since my family all got their AZ, silly thoughts came playing in my head. No offend but I'm kinda scared with the side effect lol. And the funny thing is I even imagined what if we will be separate based on what vaccine we got just like those in Divergent series. Scary!

Disebabkan i sorang dapat pfizer, they are all dengki with me lol. I honestly don't care what vaccine i got and i don't understand why comparing vaccine has become a big deal. Yang penting dapat vaksin kan. I will get my second dose next week and hope that everything will be fine. Dengar cerita second dose will be quite heavy. As for the first shot, I tak demam or tak ada rasa apa-apa. Just that tangan lenguh dan penat lepas kena cucuk.

So this is how I got my covid vaccine yeay. Moga kita semua dilindungi dan dijauhi dari penyakit bahaya macam covid ni. Stay safe and take care semua! x

Guess what I will wear for the occasion? Perhaps a casual long coat like the one you have always seen in movies or K-Drama or maybe a summer maxidress. The ankle boot is a must cause it's my favourite footwear all the time. What we imagine for ourselves is kinda amusing and sometimes pretty much opposite to who we are in real life. And that is so fascinating. 

But what's bothering me in these daydreams is, it gives me a little instinct like there's something missing out from me and that I have to search for it. Is it the life I crave, or is it my inner self trying to signal me about don't-forget-to-find-yourself along the journey?