15 August 2021
Image by Angela Lo
I finally learned how to respect my feelings and boundaries. It has been a tough journey but now, knowing that caring about something worthless is really a waste of time and energy, I choose to completely ignore it. Some people often say that I am too sensitive and fragile and weak, so I unequip and get rid of my emphatic traits for them. I bet they have no idea how much it would affect my personality. Telling a person to be less sensitive means telling them to be heartless. The truth of excessive emotions means we all just feel a little too much and everything goes straight to our hearts. And logically, it's not our choice but it's naturally running in the vein.
Now that I am ruined and become total heartless, the feeling is quite a blessing, To turn myself into a winter cold person ain't that easy and it takes time. It's the same as when you try to move on from your ex-partner but keep on remembering your sweet moments together, or that you said you want to have a healthy lifestyle and wanting to lose some weight but still cannot throw away your bad eating habits! When you were being treated badly and someone disrespects your boundaries, stop giving them chances. You don't give them chances to appreciate you but you simply give them chances to rip your soul off. There's a fine line between patience and stupidity. Don't be stupid.
Some might argue that it's not a good thing to do. Like when they say, kalau orang berik bunga, kita berik bunga. Kalau orang berik kita taik, kita berik bunga juak. But it's just ridiculous. I'd rather give them nothing in return which is buat bodoh and distance myself. I'm being kind enough not to start a silly fight. Being heartless doesn't mean I'm turning myself into a bad person. But it means I am having enough and I no longer have the energy to deal with the toxicity or things that hurt me. x
20 July 2021
Image by Kristine Wook
Salam aidil adha. Due to this still-crazy pandemic, today hari raya can only be celebrated within family members. No cousins, no friends. But still feeling grateful for the small gathering and the meals! Now let's talk about my covid vaccine story cause this post is purposely created for that experience.
I am the last person in the family to get the vaccine shot and I am honestly anxious that my name is not being selected yet lol. When the AZ vaccine application was open for all Malaysian, we all tried our best to register our names. And my little sister, the first to get the vaccine is helping us out. But none of us were lucky as the application has been fully booked.
Even though we could not squeeze in our names, my siblings and my parents finally got their registration approved after a few days. So they all got their first AZ vaccine while I was still putting on the hope that I would get it. I kept on refreshing my MySejahtera and updating my profile yet nothing, no vaccine offer, no notification.
After a week or maybe two weeks, my friend told me to just walk into one of the vaccination facilities where her friend is working. She tried giving her my name for registration but unfortunately, it was fully booked too. Haih malang sungguh. Pun masih tak dapat. Then I got another text message from my friend asking for my personal details untuk diberikan kepada staff yang kerja dekat vaccination facility tu. And my stepmother also asking for my details to forward it to her friend yang ada kenalan di pusat vaksin tu jugak. I think the next day or perhaps after two days both of them asking me if I got a call for a vaccine shot or not. I jawab tak ada punnnn!
But my stepmother's friend told me to just go to the vaccination facility that she mentioned cause my name has been registered. I was quite unsure since I got no phone call from them. Nanti tak pasal-pasal kena maki dan kena halau pulak. That time I was working and baju penuh tepung sebab seharian buat kuih and I got no time for a change so terus ke pusat vaksin. Bau peluh pun bau lah ~
By the time I reached there, tak ada banyak orang pun. I just walked in and follow instructions given by anggota rela yang berkerja disana. It's finally my turn! Akhirnya penantian yang ditunggu-tunggu. I've been given a pfizer vaccine and macam biasa since my family all got their AZ, silly thoughts came playing in my head. No offend but I'm kinda scared with the side effect lol. And the funny thing is I even imagined what if we will be separate based on what vaccine we got just like those in Divergent series. Scary!
Disebabkan i sorang dapat pfizer, they are all dengki with me lol. I honestly don't care what vaccine i got and i don't understand why comparing vaccine has become a big deal. Yang penting dapat vaksin kan. I will get my second dose next week and hope that everything will be fine. Dengar cerita second dose will be quite heavy. As for the first shot, I tak demam or tak ada rasa apa-apa. Just that tangan lenguh dan penat lepas kena cucuk.
So this is how I got my covid vaccine yeay. Moga kita semua dilindungi dan dijauhi dari penyakit bahaya macam covid ni. Stay safe and take care semua! x
28 June 2021
25 June 2021
20 June 2021
My father once said we are all dealt a hand at birth. A good hand can ultimately lose - just as a poor hand can win - but we must all play the cards fate deals. The choices we face may not be the choices we want, but they are choices nonetheless. ― Brigid Kemmerer
Synopsis
A Curse So Dark And Lonely Review
18 June 2021
This travelogue is rather sad and disappointing, but still worth the memories. I remember everything on that day -- the warm breeze, the sunny day, the worn-out map, the sweats that wet us from top to bottom and the thrill feelings. Sangat bernasib baik sebab hari tak hujan. Haneul Park merupakan salah satu tempat famous di Seoul dan hari sebelumnya Ajija dengan aku dah plan nak ke sana untuk photoshoot ala-ala macam dalam cerita korea. Tapi sayangnya hmm...
Keesokannya kami pun bangun awal dan bersiap sedia untuk ke destinasi yang diinginkan. Perjalanan dari Daeso ke Seoul mengambil masa selama satu jam. Bas akan berhenti dekat Gangbyeon Station (Dongseoul Bus Terminal) dan dari Gangbyeon kami guna subway (Line 6) untuk ke World Cup Station. Maka bermulalah perjalanan kami mencari dimanakah Haneul Park sebenarnya. Jalan punya jalan, kesana kemari, akhirnya sampai juga ke destinasi yang betul. We were kinda lost trying to find the right place. Nasib baik ada bawak air. World Cup Station ibarat pintu gerbang. Dalam sana ada 4 lagi park berlainan yang kami tak sempat nak lawat.
Voila. The picture says it all! Tak sangka ada surprise lain rupanya. Tangga membunuh. Ada 425 steps all the way up to Haneul Park. Jangankan 425 steps, yang tak sampai 10 steps pun dah semput macam apa. Nasib baik ada bekal air mineral. Kalau tak confirm mati dulu sebelum sempat naik atas. Penat tak boleh bawak bincang.
Nama lain untuk Haneul Park adalah Sky Park. Dulu tempat longgokan sampah tapi sekarang dah glow-up ditumbuhi lalang lalang bernama Eulalia yang cantik. View dari atas sumpah cantik. Hilang segala penat, duka dan lara.
Tapi sayangnya (sambungan dari perenggan atas sekali), lalang Eulalia cuma mekar pada musim luruh sahaja. Aku dan Ajija pulak datang pada musim bunga aka spring season maka yang ada cumalah padang jarak padang terkukur. This frustration truly feels like a betrayal. Nasib baik still worth untuk photoshoot walaupun tak ada Eulalia.
I really love it here especially the view and the fresh air. Tak pasti sungai apakah itu tapi rasanya Han River. Since there's no Eulalia, we just wandered around, menikmati suasana dan snap whatever gambar yang kami rasa cantik. Tak banyak orang jadi kami menggila sendiri.
16 June 2021
Buku-buku yang kita baca, orang-orang yang kita dengarkan, perkumpulan yang kita ikuti, akan membentuk perangai kita hingga tega melakukan apa pun. – Bapak
Synopsis
Si Anak Cahaya Review
15 June 2021
11 June 2021
The Japanese say you have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.
Kalau semua manusia ada three faces macam ni, means no one is being true to themselves in front of people. Am I right or am I right? I’m dying to know opinions from someone else. What would you say about this? Are we hiding our true colours and pretend to be nice? Can you figure out if you are more to yin or more to yang? Like how do you see yourself? To be honest, just because aku act macam singa di rumah sebab adik adik aku semua bengkeng simok dengar cakap, and that I use profanity when talking with my friends sometimes, I feel like a fake when I act decent depan orang lain. Tsk. It’s not that I feel like I am being someone else or what but it’s the way I behave. Macam mana eh nak explain. You are still you, still yourself. But you behave differently at a certain point in your life. And then you start questioning yourself, which one is your true character?
Siktauklah if orang paham ka sik apa aku bebel. But I feel the need to write this…
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