a letter to life

Borobudur Temple

Obelix Hills

Gondola Pantai Timang

Heha Ocean View & Heha Sky View

Keraton Ngayogyakarta Hadiningrat

Photo by Vladimir Vinogradov on Unsplash

So I would like to write about this garden of uncertainty. Actually, I know nothing about it, I have zero ideas about it until I befriend a stranger from Tinder and he shares the quotes below with me. 

“If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.”

Sadly our perkenalan was a quick one and he left after a few conversations. His quotes basically put me into curiosity mode. I read the quotes many times and wondered am I a prisoner? If I am a prisoner, what kind of crime Ive committed? Fikir punya fikir I finally got the answer. Indeed, I am a prisoner and the crime I've committed is keeping a bunch of false hope and I am unconsciously creating a garden of uncertainty in me. I am making myself a hostage and it steers me into complete chaos.

Do you know why and how it is related? It starts with an authentic hope but ends up being something toxic that infected the mind. Keeping a false hope means keeping something rotten in you. It's the easiest perumpamaan and paling mudah difahami. I tend to do it all the time. Though I know I won't be able to change anything about something, like that thing has zero possibility, I still wanna keep it in me and believe that one day it will eventually change when the fact that it cant. Dasar bengkeng sik bertempat. Sik kira lah tentang apa sekalipun, I always have it bottled up in me and end up hurting myself. Letting go is harder thus why I refused to do that.

The funny thing is, sometimes we exactly know the answer we seek but we are in complete denial, refusing to admit the truth. The more we keep the habit, the bigger the garden grows. So what's the point? I imagine myself strolling around the garden I've created, seeing all the things that hurt me everywhere like wilted roses, do you think it makes me happy? Of course not. That's why I chose to burn the entire ground and plant something better. I want something more pleasant, lively, and full of butterflies. It will be the core of my entire system as a human being and I really need a change. If I don't, it's not only the inner me but the whole me that will be wrecked.

The garden of uncertainty is something we all cannot have in life. Learn to let go of something we can't change and believe that there's more for us out there that we still haven't discovered yet. Don't waste time on something worthless. x

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

Lamak gila dah sik bukak blog tok. Kamek rasa mun blog tok sebuah rumah, confirm dah jadi salah satu property yang berhantu. Life has been good lately (ada juak yang not good but i choose to be blind and deaf about it hehe). Banyak yang mok diceritakan thus why im back here. Harap idea penulisan ya sentiasa ada jak lah. Lelah juak mun mala kenak writer's block. Padahal bukan cerita rekaan tapi susahnya mok polah ayat rasa macam jawab kertas spm jak heheh.

I'm going to update about my travel journey to Jogjakarta and Surabaya, my personal growth progress, books I've finished reading, my thoughts about uncertainty and other things which i ada update the quick version on instagram, about what's going on with my life (i ada kenak scam abam pulis uolls) and everything that I could remember. Banyak juak yang mok di share dalam blog yet i don't know why i couldn't make it until here. 

I am writing this while listening to lofi playlist and its already midnight. A new day has started. Raya is just around the corner. And its already mid-april. Phew lajunya masa. I gotta fill my days with more good things, more positive things, and just everything good. Though I know its impossible to be happy and feel good all the time, but its not a crime to try my best kan. Sikkan lah mok sedih ajak. Boringnya hidup. Sik dapat polah real outdoor activities, sik apa. Kita camping online, berbasikal online, mandik sungai online and so on hahah. This year I really wanna spend more time with nature and do more outdoor activities. Tapi sik ada geng. I need a new circle but how? Ada ka yang maok kawan dengan amateur macam saya tok? What a sad question!

It's okay. I will try to figure it out myself later. Jangan jak mood introvert datang balit. Bukan main jak semangat kelak dah diajak benar alu rasa menyesal. Biasaaaa diaaa. Tapi hakikatnya seketul introvert memang macam ya. But I'm trying to change myself at least lah to ambivert. Middle range homosapiens. Till here then. x

I no longer want to correct people. Even though they might be right or wrong, I will not say anything and just gonna keep my mouth shut. I am hated for correcting people when I know they are doing something incorrectly. I have been told as someone who thinks I am perfect enough that I can fix their mistakes. That was absolutely not the truth and I never said that I am perfect. But just because I spit out the truth, I become the toxic person.

It makes me think again whether my action is toxic or if they are the ones who are toxic and refused to admit their mistakes. It reminds me of being gaslighted and that my words are being twisted and manipulated. Knowing that I might experience the same thing again and gonna trigger my trauma, I decided to leave the thoughts alone. I definitely not and don't want to be in the trap again.

I'm glad the Wednesday film is out and grateful that I spend my time watching it. I've learned something from the main character. Don't give a fuck about people and just do your things. Let them do whatever they want as long as they don't break into your privacy. Well, I think that is clever enough how to deal with humans. I also realized that talking to people like that actually won't affect them and I am just wasting my time trying to fix or correct others.

Rather than having a stupid argument and putting me in agony while the other side is being effortless, I might just do the same and ignore the ignorance. That's it. I hope I can be more resilient and adapt to my new character traits. I don't want to deal with humans anymore. I will just do me and let them do theirs. Enough.

I gotta say Biore UV Sunscreen Spray is one of my favorite sunscreens. I had never used any sunscreen before I know about the importance of this thing but once I learned about it, I started buying them for myself. I purchased a few from the nearest drugstore and shopee but most of them are quite not efficient for me since I work in the open kitchen, and I sweat all time all day from top to bottom. So yeah, those things won't really stick and save my skin. If it's not making my face oily, it stings my eyes like crazy. That’s why I hate it. I no longer care bout my skin being smashed by the bright sunlight during the day even though I know it's bad. I just don't wanna waste my money. Not until I found Biore UV Sunscreen Spray!

The very first reason why I like this sunscreen is that it's so easy to apply and reapply on my face. And I think it's suitable for me cause it doesn't really make my face oily except when I start sweating.

The texture feels smooth on my skin. It absorbs quick and doesn't leave any white cast like the other sunscreen I ever tried. The bottle is quite big to be kept in a handbag but it's lightweight so for me, the size doesn't really matter.

This sunscreen can be worn on top of makeup kinda like the setting spray. And I gotta say the finishing and texture definitely gonna make your skin look dewy instead of glowing as hell as if you just washed your face with a jar of olive oil.

The result of wearing this might be different for other people. I have a combination of dry and oily skin so it's quite okay for me. 

The cons of using a spray sunscreen are it's not guaranteed that it will give full protection to the skin against the UV ray even though it has an SPF50+ PA+++ rating. I might miss some spots/areas of the skin no matter how much I sprayed them but it's okay for me cause it is still easy to reapply. Maybe I should prepare UV torchlight to check if the sunscreen covered my entire face. 😉

Will I repurchase this again? Definitely yes for a rushing mode. 

What's your favorite sunscreen?