06 April 2022

a heart so fierce and broken review

Choices are never easy. There are good and bad options, but the most dangerous is to not make any choice at all. – Iisak
Go take all my money! This little happiness is worth buying and reading. It's absolutely membuatkan hati kamek makan sik kenyang, tidur sik lena, mandi sik basah. Even the first book is magical enough and has some genjutsu that makes me fall head over heels with the characters. I'm not really a fan of Beauty and The Beast but this gothic, dark, adventurous version of that famous Disney movie is definitely a chef kiss. No kidding. I truly love this book and the story and the characters and everything. 

A Heart So Fierce and Broken is written by Brigid Kemmerer, an American author of young-adult fiction books. She has written more than a dozen dark and alluring YA novels like Defy the Night and Letters to the Lost. Her novel A Curse So Dark and Lonely which is the first #Cursebreaker series was a New York Times bestseller and has received a starred review from Publishers Weekly.


Synopsis

Find the heir, win the crown.

The curse is finally broken, but Prince Rhen of Emberfall faces darker troubles still. Rumors circulate that he is not the true heir and that forbidden magic has been unleashed in Emberfall. Although Rhen has Harper by his side, his guardsman Grey is missing, leaving more questions than answers.

Win the crown, save the kingdom.

Rumored to be the heir, Grey has been on the run since he destroyed Lilith. He has no desire to challenge Rhen--until Karis Luran once again threatens to take Emberfall by force. Her own daughter Lia Mara sees the flaws in her mother’s violent plan, but can she convince Grey to stand against Rhen, even for the good of Emberfall?

The heart-pounding, compulsively readable saga continues as loyalties are tested and new love blooms in a kingdom on the brink of war.

Published Date: January 7th, 2020 | Publisher: Bloomsbury YA


A Heart So Fierce and Broken Review

Oh Grey! What kind of damage have you done to my precious heart? How dare you leave it miserable, craving and wanting for more of you? This sequel truly belongs to him alone! And of Lia Mara, the bravest unchosen heir of Syl Shallow. And of course, Prince Rhen and Princess Harper. I don’t want to mention other than them because they are my least favorite. Nah, truthfully, none at all.

A Heart So Fierce and Broken is one of my most anticipated books released in 2020! The first sequel left me with a broken heart and a complete cliffhanger because I have to wait for a few months just to read the next chapter. I should have read this as soon as it arrived but I didn’t and it takes me one week to finish the book.

So now let’s hear me. First of all, I LOVE GREY. Ain’t nobody can resist such a strong and gentle guy! His character, and his actions are everything. Despite going through so many things just to protect himself and Emberfall, he is still the loveliest yet brutal in every way. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t romanticize the way he fights his enemies, but more of how he tried to protect his friends and Lia Mara.

Just so you know, this book has focused more on Grey and Lia Mara which Prince Rhen and Harper felt so distant in my opinion. It’s more like a standalone but you still get the vibes from the first book. There are more battles and bloodshed in this book, more strategies to protect and hunt each other and yes, I am super glad for the lovey-dovey moments between Grey and Lia Mara. Not too much but enough to make your heart flutter like a silly goose.

And again, just like how I mentioned in my A Curse So Dark and Lonely review, the plot is too dragging. But even though the story has been stretched to the point you might feel boring about it, there’s something for you to see between the pages. That’s what I love about Brigid Kemmerer! She wanted you to know how precious is every single moment that happens between the people around you. What kind of story do you share with them, what kind of help, what kind of feelings, and all that. It may look just like a small thing but it matters a lot!

There are so many things I love about the book. One of it is when Grey said something about Harper. “She became a princess by her words and actions, if not by blood.” How lovely is that? He really appreciates Harper even though Harper is not a real princess! And Harper, being my favorite protagonist, has proven herself to be someone very strong and brave by her words and actions! You know what, even though you are not of royal blood, you can still proclaim yourself as a princess if you do good and keep up with good manners.

A Heart So Fierce and Broken is not merely a fantasy book. But I’ve learned a lot about personality and the worth of relationships from the characters. You can really know what kind of person is the author through her writing, no? I bet she is as well a lovable and brave person in real life!

Rating: ★★★★★

22 January 2022

2022 new year

Can't believe it's already 2022. Another year, another older. Terasa macam cepat jak masa berlalu. Pejam celik dah tahun baru. I have no new year resolution this year cause I never accomplished much of my new year goal's list. I am just hoping for things to get better for me; for me to be able to heal, to fix myself, to be triple stronger than before, and to have healthy mental health and a piece of tranquility for my soul. I don't know if it's too much to ask for but that's the only thing I wish for right now. I am in need of a fresh start desperately. But I am kinda in an unstable state.

2021 has been such a pretty rough episode for me. I've been crushed by life real hard. I've been crying a lot again, I had panic attacks a few times, anxiety attacks most of the time, lost in space quite some time -- it's damn exhausting. Even if I try to distract myself from it, I just can't control that crazy adrenaline rush. People might say I'm too weak, too soft against myself, but only god knows how terrible I felt whenever I face that moment, only god knows how much I hate myself for not being able to pull myself out from that kind of situation. I start self-harming myself again. I even start to release my anger and disappointment by punching the wall till my hand turned red. Pretty fucked up, isn't it?

I am now living with endless suicidal thoughts and constant fear. I no longer do my favorite things. I have nothing to look forward to. I'm simply staying alive for the sake of living. Thus it makes me question myself, why do I still want to continue this life when I no longer have things I want to do?

Nampak sik kecelaruan otak yang sangat dasyat sekali? But, despite all that, I earn a lesson for life at the same time. I only need to be more positive and stronger so I can take the lesson to the heart and build myself back again. I need to fight the demon in me. Wish me luck. 

15 August 2021

Image by Angela Lo

I finally learned how to respect my feelings and boundaries. It has been a tough journey but now, knowing that caring about something worthless is really a waste of time and energy, I choose to completely ignore it. Some people often say that I am too sensitive and fragile and weak, so I unequip and get rid of my emphatic traits for them. I bet they have no idea how much it would affect my personality. Telling a person to be less sensitive means telling them to be heartless. The truth of excessive emotions means we all just feel a little too much and everything goes straight to our hearts. And logically, it's not our choice but it's naturally running in the vein.

Now that I am ruined and become total heartless, the feeling is quite a blessing, To turn myself into a winter cold person ain't that easy and it takes time. It's the same as when you try to move on from your ex-partner but keep on remembering your sweet moments together, or that you said you want to have a healthy lifestyle and wanting to lose some weight but still cannot throw away your bad eating habits! When you were being treated badly and someone disrespects your boundaries, stop giving them chances. You don't give them chances to appreciate you but you simply give them chances to rip your soul off. There's a fine line between patience and stupidity. Don't be stupid.

Some might argue that it's not a good thing to do. Like when they say, kalau orang berik bunga, kita berik bunga. Kalau orang berik kita taik, kita berik bunga juak. But it's just ridiculous. I'd rather give them nothing in return which is buat bodoh and distance myself. I'm being kind enough not to start a silly fight. Being heartless doesn't mean I'm turning myself into a bad person. But it means I am having enough and I no longer have the energy to deal with the toxicity or things that hurt me. x

20 July 2021

kristine wook

Image by Kristine Wook

Salam aidil adha. Due to this still-crazy pandemic, today hari raya can only be celebrated within family members. No cousins, no friends. But still feeling grateful for the small gathering and the meals! Now let's talk about my covid vaccine story cause this post is purposely created for that experience.

I am the last person in the family to get the vaccine shot and I am honestly anxious that my name is not being selected yet lol. When the AZ vaccine application was open for all Malaysian, we all tried our best to register our names. And my little sister, the first to get the vaccine is helping us out. But none of us were lucky as the application has been fully booked.

Even though we could not squeeze in our names, my siblings and my parents finally got their registration approved after a few days. So they all got their first AZ vaccine while I was still putting on the hope that I would get it. I kept on refreshing my MySejahtera and updating my profile yet nothing, no vaccine offer, no notification.

After a week or maybe two weeks, my friend told me to just walk into one of the vaccination facilities where her friend is working. She tried giving her my name for registration but unfortunately, it was fully booked too. Haih malang sungguh. Pun masih tak dapat. Then I got another text message from my friend asking for my personal details untuk diberikan kepada staff yang kerja dekat vaccination facility tu. And my stepmother also asking for my details to forward it to her friend yang ada kenalan di pusat vaksin tu jugak. I think the next day or perhaps after two days both of them asking me if I got a call for a vaccine shot or not. I jawab tak ada punnnn! 

But my stepmother's friend told me to just go to the vaccination facility that she mentioned cause my name has been registered. I was quite unsure since I got no phone call from them. Nanti tak pasal-pasal kena maki dan kena halau pulak. That time I was working and baju penuh tepung sebab seharian buat kuih and I got no time for a change so terus ke pusat vaksin. Bau peluh pun bau lah ~

By the time I reached there, tak ada banyak orang pun. I just walked in and follow instructions given by anggota rela yang berkerja disana. It's finally my turn! Akhirnya penantian yang ditunggu-tunggu. I've been given a pfizer vaccine and macam biasa since my family all got their AZ, silly thoughts came playing in my head. No offend but I'm kinda scared with the side effect lol. And the funny thing is I even imagined what if we will be separate based on what vaccine we got just like those in Divergent series. Scary!

Disebabkan i sorang dapat pfizer, they are all dengki with me lol. I honestly don't care what vaccine i got and i don't understand why comparing vaccine has become a big deal. Yang penting dapat vaksin kan. I will get my second dose next week and hope that everything will be fine. Dengar cerita second dose will be quite heavy. As for the first shot, I tak demam or tak ada rasa apa-apa. Just that tangan lenguh dan penat lepas kena cucuk.

So this is how I got my covid vaccine yeay. Moga kita semua dilindungi dan dijauhi dari penyakit bahaya macam covid ni. Stay safe and take care semua! x

28 June 2021

monday rave
Image by Augustine Wong

It supposed to be the last MCO for Malaysia today but sadly due to the number of cases that keeps on increasing, the government has decided to go for another two weeks mereput at home. I was waiting patiently for this day but never have I felt so disappointed with the announcement. Like what the heck, I've been staying at home, 24 hours entertaining my front-room neighbour yang sentiasa lapar and never recovered from their fungal infection, for a month, yet nothing changes? Not only me but everyone who works on a sector yang tak dibernarkan beroperasi during this MCO. Yang masih dapat kerja untunglah. Yang tak dapat kerja? Life has been quite stressful this day! I hope the government seek another solution rather than polah pkp yang sik pande habis tok. Mok pkp sampe kiamat kah apa.

We are all struggling now. Everyone is trying hard to make a living, to put foods on the table for the family, to feed and heal their pets, to pay debts whatsoever. Even yang cukup makan pun rasa macam tak cukup makan, kebingungan, apatah lagi mereka yang tak punya apa-apa. Aduhai. I pray that everyone affected by all this, including me, gonna stay strong to survive this absolute, utterly, inhuman pandemic.

To this date, I still didn't get my vaccination appointment yet. Ini baru namanya penantian satu penyiksaan. But at least both my parents have been vaccinated. To be honest, I am actually scared to get the vaccine at first but my sister was going crazy saying that the probability of me dying because of covid is rather higher than me getting the shots. Silly her. Well, I know, it's true. Oh, I am not an anti-vax, I am just that chicky-scared. Please pray for me that they will select my name soon!

How was your day? Have you got your vaccine yet?

25 June 2021


I kinda had a productive day today. I woke up around 10 am (I know it's late but who cares lol) and rush into the room opposite of mine to check on my kittens. It's actually a guest room cum store, but since no one gonna come over yet, I let the cats rent the room for the time being lol. The cage that I bought for them, although quite big, is still not enough for them. They like to play around, jumping and running like crazy. I love how their tails puffed up when they get so happy. I thought they are scared or mad at first but they are actually living their life to the fullest!

I didn't do much, just top up their foods and petting them like usual before I get ready for groceries shopping. I plan to make some okonomiyaki and get the ingredients, but a shawarma appeared on my TikTok feed as well and it looks scrumptious af so yeah, I have to grab the ingredients as well. The main purpose I decide for groceries shopping sebab nak beli sotong merah pedas. But sadly dah habis lah pulak. Puncakcak.

Done with groceries shopping, I went to a pet shop to top up the cat treats and chunk wet food for my tenants. But there's not much for a kitten so I just bought the wet food for an adult cat. I wonder if it's okay to give them that? It's my first time having a pet so I still need to learn more about do and don't for cats.

Once I arrived home, I keep all the items in their place and rush to my tenant's room. I bought a new flavour cat treat for them which is SmartHeart Creamy Cat Tuna and they fucking love it! One packet (4 sachets/sticks) cost RM8. I decided to check the price on shopee and quite surprise cause it's freaking cheaper than the one I bought. They sell it on shopee for around RM4+, damn. I'm going to borong dozens of them for my tenants!

Done with bonding session through creamy bribery, I started getting on the work. I cleaned up their litter box, sapu dan mop sekaligus. Bersih wangi dah! Sekali yang sekor ni pi carik taik dia pulak dah dalam box. Habis terkeluar semua pasir maka terpaksalah sapu lagi sekali. Nasib baik comel kalau tak aku gigit dah. Since there are so many boxes in that room, I tried to minimize it. I combined the junks from three boxes into one box. Arrange them back so the kittens can't jump on the boxes. I made them a mini playhouse so they better not disturb any other than that.


Look at them! I don't know when did Champol get so macho. Not so lady-like! Miyu is way lovely and the quiet one. They are my first pet ever and I love them so much. They are my best friend, my penghibur hati <3

20 June 2021

a curse so dark and lonely review

My father once said we are all dealt a hand at birth. A good hand can ultimately lose - just as a poor hand can win - but we must all play the cards fate deals. The choices we face may not be the choices we want, but they are choices nonetheless. ― Brigid Kemmerer
Have you ever read a book and instantly got hooked by it like crazy? This book did that to me and instead of going mad about it, I feel glad that I just find a sanctuary for my fantasy obsession. This Beauty & The Beast retelling is beautifully written but with a much darker and more venturous theme than the original; gory scenes, horses, weapons, wars which excite me. It's not all serious but there’s a humorous part combined altogether.

A Curse So Dark and Lonely is written by Brigid Kemmerer, an American author of young-adult fiction books. She has written more than a dozen dark and alluring YA novels like Defy the Night and Letters to the Lost. This novel which is the first #Cursebreaker series was a New York Times bestseller and has received a starred review from Publishers Weekly.

Synopsis

Fall in love, break the curse.

Cursed by a powerful enchantress to repeat the autumn of his eighteenth year, Prince Rhen, the heir of Emberfall, thought he could be saved easily if a girl fell for him. But that was before he turned into a vicious beast hell-bent on destruction. Before he destroyed his castle, his family, and every last shred of hope.

Nothing has ever been easy for Harper. With her father long gone, her mother dying, and her brother constantly underestimating her because of her cerebral palsy, Harper learned to be tough enough to survive. When she tries to save a stranger on the streets of Washington, DC, she's pulled into a magical world.

Break the curse, save the kingdom.

Harper doesn't know where she is or what to believe. A prince? A curse? A monster? As she spends time with Rhen in this enchanted land, she begins to understand what's at stake. And as Rhen realizes Harper is not just another girl to charm, his hope comes flooding back. But powerful forces are standing against Emberfall . . . and it will take more than a broken curse to save Harper, Rhen, and his people from utter ruin.

Published Date: January 29th, 2019 | Publisher: Bloomsbury YA

A Curse So Dark And Lonely Review

Daring, enchanting, and addicting! This book is a whole lot different than Disney Beauty and The Beast. A Curse So Dark And Lonely is a retelling written in a beautiful way but with a much darker and more venturous theme than the original; gory scenes, horses, weapons, wars which excites me. I used to imagine myself riding a horse while yielding a knightly weapon like a princess in rescue. Well, this book actually gives me a better vision of my imagination. Something like a dream comes true except that it is still not happening in reality.

The world-building is amazing and I really love this Emberfall I create in my mind based on the description in the book. It's beautiful with the autumn in the background! The plot is exciting to read even though somehow I think it's too dragging. The adventurous moment happens only at the end of the book, a few pages before you put back the book on the shelves. But it is still enjoyable.

The dragging part is not something I'm gonna hate. In my own perception, the author tries to squeeze more about her characters' personality and their relationship with each other. Like putting things in depth just so you will feel more closely with these fictional people.

Harper, Prince Rhen, and Grey's moments are just too priceless! They have their own story with each other which leads to trust and lovey-dovey between, huh, you gotta read and figure it out yourself. Brace yourself because it's melancholic yet sweet at the same time.

As for the character, I admire Harper very much. She made an amazing female protagonist; brave, fierce, and persistent despite her disability, and she’s a bit reckless though. Prince Rhen is somehow a pain in the ass. While Grey is just nice and gentle. I really can't wait to read the sequel and see how the characters will evolve over time.

Rating: ★★★★★
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